Issue link: https://tmcpulse.uberflip.com/i/1048847
7 T M C » P U L S E | N O V E M B E R 2 0 1 8 Putting Himself Out There Why a Baylor researcher told the world about his mental illness after keeping it secret for 20 years B y R y a n H o l e y w e l l F or more than two decades, Gabriel Lázaro- Muñoz, Ph.D., kept a secret from his friends, his colleagues and even some family members. Last year, he finally decided to share it in a place where it would exist forever: the internet. The emotional essay Lázaro-Muñoz wrote describing his longtime experience with mental illness is the second result listed if you Google his name—appearing above his LinkedIn page, his Twitter feed and every single academic article he's ever published. A year after sharing his story, the Baylor College of Medicine assistant professor says the decision to publish is still one of the best he's made. "I've gotten to a point where I sort of accept [mental illness] is probably part of my life, and I just have to do the best I can to manage the symp- toms," Lázaro-Muñoz said. "Being open about it has been one of those things that's made it easier." In the 400-word essay, he detailed his expe- rience with mental illness, his longtime efforts to hide it from those around him and—impor- tantly—the role mental illness played in shaping his career, which now focuses on legal and ethical issues surrounding neuroscience. "I constantly have intrusive thoughts, exces- sive worries and the occasional anxiety attack," he wrote in 2017. "This is how it has always been." "Since I was a kid, I have struggled with depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and ADHD," he continued. "I have an extensive family history of mental illness so I have not only strug- gled with it, but I have seen many of those I love struggle." His essay explained that he decided to "come out" about his anxiety and depression in order to promote better understanding of those with mental illness. It was a major shift for Lázaro-Muñoz, who hid his condition from friends, colleagues and class- mates—everyone but close family members—for more than 20 years. He was worried that people, especially in a professional setting, would con- sider him unreliable if they knew the truth. But, quite suddenly, he decided to share his experience after a member of Baylor's communications staff asked him what had sparked his interest in his field of research. (continued) Gabriel Lázaro-Muñoz, Ph.D., sits on the balcony of his Houston home.