Issue link: https://tmcpulse.uberflip.com/i/1152989
t m c » p u l s e | a u g u s t 2 0 1 9 26 "I tried to get the bottle, but he was trying to get it away from me and smashed it on the counter," she continued. "I tried to talk to him slowly, and we walked around the house, the both of us holding the bottle of wine. We walked, I don't know, for what seemed to be hours, but it wasn't, I'm sure. … He calmed down and went back to sleep." As Judie listened to the woman, she couldn't help but feel thankful that Kenny is still as good-natured as he was before Alzheimer's and remains mostly capable of taking care of himself—although now he struggles to find words and form sentences. Members of the support group help Judie understand where this Alzheimer's road is leading. "They also show me how blessed we are that we are traveling said road so slowly," she said. But her mind is constantly fighting with her heart. She still loves Kenny the same way she has always loved him, but it's heartbreaking watching him fade away. "Our anni- versary was a rough day," Judie said. Judie took Kenny out to a local steakhouse for dinner to cele- brate their 43rd anniver- sary on Oct. 24. She always loved spending their anniver- saries together, but ever since Kenny developed Alzheimer's, these cele- brations have retained only the basic outline of anniversaries past. Kenny still prefers his steak cooked medium, but the significance of the date is lost on him. For him, Oct. 24 is just another day. Judie tries to find comfort in humor. "You either laugh or you cry," she said. "I try to make light of the situation because the alternative is crying yourself to sleep on your anniversary night." A matter of when, not if Before Alzheimer's, Kenny always had cheesy dad jokes and zingy one-liners at the ready. Now, he is a little more subdued and disengaged. "This new self is timid, unsure," Amy said, adding that her father seems more comfortable around people he doesn't know. "One time, my husband and I were daddysitting him. We took him to MOD Pizza. By the time we got to the counter, he was friends with everyone in the line. I think it's because he doesn't have to be self-conscious. They don't know he has Alzheimer's." The last time Amy caught a glimpse of the dad she grew up with was the day of her wedding, May 13, 2017. "There was a part of him—the spark—that was back that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was just like having him back for that day, and it was the perfect day for him to make an appear- ance," Amy recalled. "Even now, sometimes he just comes out and you're just like, 'There he is!' Then you blink and he's fading away again." Barring any other health issues, Kenny's condition will pro- gressively worsen as he advances into late-stage Alzheimer's. As more faces and memories evaporate from his mind, he'll also lose the ability to eat, speak and walk. "Once they cross that plane, they're not hurting anymore," Judie said. "They're not upset by it. They don't know the differ- ence. It hurts the people who are watching it." Judie tries not to think that far into the future. She has prepared by purchasing a long-term care insurance policy, but there's little she can do to ease the fear of not being able to look after her husband. "I think mostly about what will happen when I can no longer take care of him," Judie said. "Where would I put him?" Amy has watched the disease erode her father's mind and iden- tity for years. "I worry about him, but I worry about her more because I know how hard it's going to be for her," Amy lamented. "I think it's worse when he's going to be cognizant less and less, and she's going to be lonelier and working harder trying to keep him at home." For the past few years, Judie and Amy have talked about the day Kenny will no longer recognize them. They have always known it's not a matter of if it will happen—it's a matter of when. This spring, Amy's greatest fear came true. On the way home from Easter brunch, Kenny turned to Judie and asked if Amy was his sister. "I was devastated," said Amy, who was riding in the car with her parents and overheard her father's question. "It was just like someone had punched me in the stomach. All I could think was, 'I thought I had more time.'" 'Something someone can do right now' One major problem in Alzheimer's research is the low rate of participation in clinical trials, Masliah said. Kenny has participated in clinical trials through Baylor, including one in 2017 that tested BACE (beta-site amyloid pre- cursor protein cleaving enzyme) inhibitor drug verubescestat. Although that drug ultimately joined the mass of other failed Kenny Tidwell looks over papers in his home office.