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t m c » p u l s e | d e c 2 0 1 7 /ja n 2 0 1 8 13 helped prepare her for how she might be feeling and how to handle her grief. The seminar provides an open forum for people to share their personal stories and concerns with others experiencing the loss of a loved one during the holi- days. In addition, Houston Hospice offers a 13-month bereavement service—including phone counseling, pamphlets containing information about grief and loss, support groups and one-on-one counseling—to help family members cope and move forward. Exchanging stories and woes not only allows peo- ple to find emotional support in others as they grieve, but also normalizes the grief, said Martha Nelson, director of bereavement services at Houston Hospice. "As human beings, we are hard-wired to form attachments. When someone we are attached to dies, it hurts. That's normal," she explained. "We have these cultural expectations that the holidays are supposed to be perfect. But there is no such thing, especially when you're grieving." This year in Houston, the pain of losing a loved one has been compounded by the destruction and devasta- tion left in Hurricane Harvey's wake, Nelson added. In addition to mourning a family member's death, people are dealing with the wreckage of their flooded homes and lost mementos. "Harvey is the gift that has kept on giving," Nelson said. "It's an additional level of grief and loss, and has the trauma associated with it, too, that I haven't experi- enced before in my career." Nelson said that grieving family members often wish the holiday season would "disappear like the magician's coin trick and reappear only when [they] are ready for it." But whether or not they choose to participate in the festivities, host a traditional family dinner or spend time alone, it's important for them to make a plan for the holidays and to give themselves permission to grieve. "With the holidays, we tell people to make a plan for the day. Don't think you're going to wake up on Christmas and all of a sudden know what you want to do," Nelson said. "If your plan involves other people, you set up plan B. Yes, you'll accept their invitation and come to dinner, but if it's horrible and awful, it's okay if you don't show up." (continued) Martha Nelson, director of bereavement services at Houston Hospice, stands in Houston Hospice's garden.